So last night was a trying night. Funny how much more you are able to think when you are sober. I realized that I do really have a drinking problem, since now that I am not drinking, and have to say no to myself I can feel the battle of good and evil within myself. I have conversations with myself when I am out about the possibility of drinking, and I know that I can not take even one sip since then my hunger will take over and it will all be over. I really felt a hunger as I sat in my car outside of Houlihans. Oh what pleasure would it have been to just go inside and order one of the huge watermelon or cactus drinks. The happy lubrication. I'd be able to talk to people freely, I'd diminish any concerns about my shyness. At that moment I had to say no, and had to keep saying no, and I won. But the hunger remained for the rest of the night. Gnawling on my side as we watched movies and smoked. I hushed it and never let it speak up, but it was constantly there.