Against myself:

My sexual appetite has gone to hell for the first time since well… since I’ve had one. I still have sex almost every single day, and I get wt for it naturally and everything, but I just simply don’t enjoy it really or get into it. It’s kind of like running the treadmill. I do it because I know I should. I prepare myself for it the way I’d prepare myself for going to the gym. I wear skirts for the easy access, I skip on underwear to make it more tantalizing and then bring a pair with me for after. I haven’t been able to come, or even get close to it, in like a month. I don’t ever even feel like masturbating really when I used to do it religiously before falling asleep. I’ve tried everything, quick sex, slow sex, bottom sex, top sex, doggy sex. Nada. It’s really sad, because I used to enjoy it, I used to love it, and was never able to get enough of it. It’s as if I’m Miranda on Sex and the City when she ran out of orgasms. It’s truly frustrating and I know that it’s bothering Levi a lot. I think I’m going to have to have a talk with him about it and let him know that it’s not his fault, he really doesn’t need anymore stress then he already has and I know that this is getting to him.

For myself:

1. I have decided that fuck what everyone thinks, and the issue that they have with mine and Levis situation. I’ve realized that the only reason I have a problem with it is because everyone else has a problem with it. SUCK A DICK. The only reason you have a problem with it is because he’s a man, and a man is supposed to be the provider. If the roles were switched and I was all unemployed and he was paying all of the bills and everything then no one would have a problem. If someone asked me how come I don’t have a job and I would say “cause my man pays for everything” they’d congratulate me on finding a great man. Why can’t it be the other way around? You’re all sexist pigs. One big double standard. I have no problem being the bread winner, actually I enjoy it. So fuck waiting around. I’m getting everything done and I’m going to start looking for a place for us to live, and getting the furniture and all that. I love my pookie.
2. I’m starting therapy. This has been long overdue. Hopefully it will do me good.