It sucks when you loose the energy to stand up for yourself. All of the shit with Katie is still dragging on, only because she's dragging it on. I still can't fathom why she would have come up with that, and stuck with it for so long. The message on myspace, I mean she straight went to him and said he'd a dick for lying to her. Why on earth would she do that if it wasn't true. No body is that psychotic, and she has no idea I check his myspace. I wonder what she will say to my response. But like I know that the logical thing is to believe her. There is no other explonation really. But he fights for me so well, and he acts so well that I simply have to believe him. Besides I'd be too miserable without him. The only choice I have is to move on, and foreget it ever happened. But I know that if anything like this comes up again then I will have to leave him, no chance this is a made up story twice, and it happening again would just prove this time correct. But whatever. He's trying to change. We'll move in together and things will get normal. We will get new, normal friends. We will get away from all the bullshit. I want us to dissapear for at least a little while, like a month or two. I think we both need it. We both need to get our heads straight and lifes on track. I just want us to do it together. I will never love anyone else the way that I love him.


I hate having a period. Maybe I should try those pills that make you get it less. I hope I don't gain weight from going back on the pill.

I've foregotten how good a perscription pain killer feels. Brian used to give them to Bobbi and I all the time, but that was over a year ago. And for some reason if I smoke or drink while taking them now I don't feel them at all. But if I pop one alone I get mad happy and dreamy and a bit woozy. My vision also get a tad blury. But I'm at work, so I'm ok. 3 more hours before I'm done. Then a quick pit stop to see Levi (<3) and then job #2.

I'm starting to look at apartments for Levi and I. I'm tired of waiting for him, I can come up with the money in a month, I just need to stop blowing it on stupid shit. I soooo keep saying that, and yet I keep on doing it. Hehe.

This weekend I need to go online and apply with like 20 places to get my car refinanced, hopefully someone will say yes. I need the car when I move. After that... well yeah after that I need to save up money for furniture. But that will be little by little. Things like dishes, pots, pans, utensils, and what not are a bit more of a necesity. Then come towels, and bathroom mats, curtains. And then furniture. In the time being we can all sit in pillows, it'll be very bohemian. Levi is supposed to be calling some places today to see how much it'll cost to move in and make appointments. I allready have one placed booked for Monday, and it sounds nice.

Maybe I'll just start doing mad videos for SmokeGirls and get paid. Hehe. But for sure whatever money I make from that is going in my savings account towards like...... those 2 gorgeous couches I saw on UrbanOutfitters.com. Fucking gorgeous!

When we move in together I'm sure I'll loose more weight, cause we'll be eating less, and there will be no candy or sweets, and besides we'll be fucking all the time so I'll get a lot of excercise. The last two times we got to spend hours alone at his place we fucked pretty much the whole time. Sex is definately my favorite form of excercise, and he's just so amazing in bed.

Oooooooooooo I need to poop again. Maybe I'll write more later. Fuck I also need a new lap top, new cell phone, and a new digital camera. Grrrrrrr.