Life has been a lot weirder lately. The things that I consider beautiful have become beautiful to the extreme, breathtakingly beautiful, heart breaking kind of beautiful. At the same time tho everythign else is extremely ugly in comparison. Murderous car crash kind of ugly. A woman eating a sandwich in her car made me cringe. The scent of the bills from the guys trucks, that old dirty, sweat that has been marinating, stench makes me want to hurl. things are eihter up or down, I'm either laughing or crying, hardly ever anything in between.



Guys have always been telling me that they would like to fuck me. I'd smile, make a joke about it and take it as a compliment. But now that I am with Levi and there is no other guy I'd like to be with I don't react the same. Now some guy telling me they'd love to fuck my brains out makes me angry, it has become and insult, especially if they know that I have a boyfriend. To me it just makes it look like you have no respect for the sanctity of my relationship, an no respect for Levi, both things making me hate you. In the last twenty-four hours two different guys have told me so and I no longer want anything to do with them. Plus they both know about Levi. And we almost had our first argument becuase he thought I was trying to hide from him the fact that other man are asking me for sex. It was the first time we had an altercation and I almost cried. I was ready to drop to my knees and beg him for foregiveness. I don't think love that is equivelant of worship is healthy, but I am afraid that's what I feel.