Life has been a lot weirder lately. The things that I consider beautiful have become beautiful to the extreme, breathtakingly beautiful, heart breaking kind of beautiful. At the same time tho everythign else is extremely ugly in comparison. Murderous car crash kind of ugly. A woman eating a sandwich in her car made me cringe. The scent of the bills from the guys trucks, that old dirty, sweat that has been marinating, stench makes me want to hurl. things are eihter up or down, I'm either laughing or crying, hardly ever anything in between.



Guys have always been telling me that they would like to fuck me. I'd smile, make a joke about it and take it as a compliment. But now that I am with Levi and there is no other guy I'd like to be with I don't react the same. Now some guy telling me they'd love to fuck my brains out makes me angry, it has become and insult, especially if they know that I have a boyfriend. To me it just makes it look like you have no respect for the sanctity of my relationship, an no respect for Levi, both things making me hate you. In the last twenty-four hours two different guys have told me so and I no longer want anything to do with them. Plus they both know about Levi. And we almost had our first argument becuase he thought I was trying to hide from him the fact that other man are asking me for sex. It was the first time we had an altercation and I almost cried. I was ready to drop to my knees and beg him for foregiveness. I don't think love that is equivelant of worship is healthy, but I am afraid that's what I feel.

My knees are absolutely terrible. My right knee is covered in a scab from when I fell while carrying a box. My left knee has rug burn on one side and the rest of it
is one humangous bruse, thank you car sex. I need to invest in some knee pads, those would be awesome to have.





I need to find a freaking day time job. I can't live like this anymore. I'm not good with financial limitations. Besides Christmas is coming up. Levi also needs to get a job... I am not paying this cell phone bill by myself, and it would also be nice if he took me out to eat some time, or if he paid for the movies once in a blue moon.



I need to get back on birth control cause babies are not cool. Like seriously not cool.





Other then that:
Levi is the best boyfriend on the planet
My dad is a douchebag
My mom is falling apart but she still rocks
Joanna is so freaking spoiled it's not even funny
I miss going to the Mill Hill and getting wasted every other night
Eye Murda is the best homie
Couhging sucks balls
I have a busy day ahead of me, full of putting in zippers, dropping stuff off, doing laundry, god only knows what the hell else.

In a couple of days Levi and I will be back together for one, whole month. It's the same date as when Mad Elephant is supposed to play at the PussyCat Lounge in NYC, which would be kind of nice to go and see, but ofcourse it is a thursday and I have to work. Besides we're both broke, and it's very hard to get him to get a job. But it needs to happen, ASAP. He needs to start getting his shit together cause I will not be taking care of him when we get our own place. And that might be prolonged even further cause I might move in with Janice and her friends. Hopefully everything will work out.

Regardless.

Whenever I am around him I turn into a horny beast, as does he. It's impossible to not kiss, grope, nibble, unzip pants, and fuck. He makes me so horny that yesterday we fucked even tho I was on my period. Something I always said I will never do. Gross homie, gross.

Even grosser: After we fucked I gave him head. It was a mixture of my juices, his juices, and my blood all over his dick, and I acted like it was the tastiest popsicle on earth.

Never say never ladies, cause afterwards I was considering anal, but I'm not trying to make all of his fantasies come true so quickly.

I have to get my green card, my passport, and my car insurance in order. I also need to quit smoking, but that will come a bit later in the day cause I think I'm gonna steal one of dad's smokes.