shit is way too fucking crazy for my taste
Everybody is more psyched up about the shit Dave did then I am, and trying to get me to go to the cops. I'm too lazy. And don't feel like fucking depressing myself over some douche.
I got in a fucking fight last night with Ty. That fucking boy drives me up the fucking wall. Oh i like you i like you but i also like this skank, but she don't like me, woe me. I have no idea what the hell keeps me coming back. Other then good sex ofcourse, but shit all the drama wouldn't be worth it even if he was my babys daddy.
And oh yeah I'm no longer fucking blond. My natural hair color is some fucked up light brown now. And I told Lauara to do my natural color and now I am fucking brunette. Fucking depressing as shit. I'm gonna keep tying my hair back and hoping nobody notices.
I've cried 3 fucking days in a row now and today will be the 4th. Fuck this shit.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies
The world around me has gone crazy.
There is the house situation. My parents are broke, even tho I can not figure out how this one came about. I was planning on moving out with my sisters, but I don't think that is going to happen. And so until I go to school I am getting a full time job, and trying to get one with benefits as well considering that until I go back to school I don't have medical coverage.
There is the school issue. I wanted to delay but everyone has made me realise that the more I delay the more likely I will never go. And so I am going to go for the next available term, well the next available other then the October one which is sitll available. Crazy huh? Yeah I know. But San Francisco it is.
There is the shit that happened with Dave in Niagara Falls. I talked to Leon about it last night. He is the only person on this earth, other then Dave and I that knows the whole story. He also gave me a wonderful perspective on why what happened did happen. I am so fucking happy/lucky to have a friend as great as him, really am. There were some tears, but then some laughs, and now I really do feel better. And I am also sure that I never wish to speak to Dave again, regardless of how much he tries to apologize.
Today when I got home from the grocery store I found a business card from a detective in the Lawrenceville Police Department. And now I am a kind of a witness to an incestial rape that happened over two years ago. That's pretty crazy if you ask me.
I also talked to Detrick today. He is dating the trashiest fucking girl that I have ever known my whole life. I mean like super filth. I don't get it. How can you go from dating me to something like that. I asked but he didn't want to talk about it. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow, and he's supposed to explain tomorrow. Also he is moving to Las Vegas in a week. :( Sucks. But hey at least when I get to San Fransico I will not be that far, I could just rent a car and go visit him.
Ha... I think that's it for right now. But that on it's own is enough to make me gon insane. Yet somehow I have been very stable and balanced, for the first time in my life probably. Ty and I are talking again. I'm applying to FIDM as soon as I get back from Poland. I have a great friend in Leon. I'm getting really good at ignoring Dave. And I should have a full time job when I get back from Poland. And oh yeah, I'm going to Poland, what a fucking relief. While at the same time I have so much stuff that I have to do while I am there. But that's for another round. Time to go to work now.
The world around me has gone crazy.
There is the house situation. My parents are broke, even tho I can not figure out how this one came about. I was planning on moving out with my sisters, but I don't think that is going to happen. And so until I go to school I am getting a full time job, and trying to get one with benefits as well considering that until I go back to school I don't have medical coverage.
There is the school issue. I wanted to delay but everyone has made me realise that the more I delay the more likely I will never go. And so I am going to go for the next available term, well the next available other then the October one which is sitll available. Crazy huh? Yeah I know. But San Francisco it is.
There is the shit that happened with Dave in Niagara Falls. I talked to Leon about it last night. He is the only person on this earth, other then Dave and I that knows the whole story. He also gave me a wonderful perspective on why what happened did happen. I am so fucking happy/lucky to have a friend as great as him, really am. There were some tears, but then some laughs, and now I really do feel better. And I am also sure that I never wish to speak to Dave again, regardless of how much he tries to apologize.
Today when I got home from the grocery store I found a business card from a detective in the Lawrenceville Police Department. And now I am a kind of a witness to an incestial rape that happened over two years ago. That's pretty crazy if you ask me.
I also talked to Detrick today. He is dating the trashiest fucking girl that I have ever known my whole life. I mean like super filth. I don't get it. How can you go from dating me to something like that. I asked but he didn't want to talk about it. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow, and he's supposed to explain tomorrow. Also he is moving to Las Vegas in a week. :( Sucks. But hey at least when I get to San Fransico I will not be that far, I could just rent a car and go visit him.
Ha... I think that's it for right now. But that on it's own is enough to make me gon insane. Yet somehow I have been very stable and balanced, for the first time in my life probably. Ty and I are talking again. I'm applying to FIDM as soon as I get back from Poland. I have a great friend in Leon. I'm getting really good at ignoring Dave. And I should have a full time job when I get back from Poland. And oh yeah, I'm going to Poland, what a fucking relief. While at the same time I have so much stuff that I have to do while I am there. But that's for another round. Time to go to work now.
Monday, September 05, 2005
I've been feeling like shit lately. I feel massively obese, like as obese as I could fucking get. I feel busted as well. Every time I go out, to a club, a bar, anywhere social, all of my girlfriends will get hit on left and right, and me? Nada, Zero, Nothing. Maybe some older, busted man, but that's it. All the hot guys that I would love to talk to walk past me and don't even look at me for longer then a few seconds. What the fuck is that about?
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